If we do not accept the responsibility of being both the father and mother to our Inner Child, then our Child will seek elsewhere for someone to do it.

All Quotes

If we do not accept the responsibility of being both the father and mother to our Inner Child, then our Child will seek elsewhere for someone to do it.

— Margaret Paul, PhD

Inner Bonding

More Quotes

"Repentance is the nourisher of piety, the procurer of mercy."

— Thomas Watson

The Doctrine of Repentance
"The two great graces essential to a saint in this life, are faith and repentance. These are the two wings by which he flies to heaven."

— Thomas Watson

The Doctrine of Repentance
"Committed action refers to purposeful behavior change in the service of chosen values, with a willingness to experience the thoughts, feelings, and reactions that show up in the process of moving forward."

— Jill A. Stoddard and Niloofar Afari

The Big Book of ACT Metaphors
"Radical openness assumes that we don’t see things as they are but rather as we are."

— Thomas R. Lynch

Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy
"Self-care is central to life itself."

— Paul Gilbert

The origins and nature of compassion focused therapy
"When people start to love themselves more each day, it is amazing how their lives get better."

— Louise Hay

Meditations for Personal Healing
"After years of individual counseling with clients, and conducting hundreds of workshops and intensive training programs… I find that there is only one thing that seems to heal every problem, and that is to love yourself."

— Louise Hay

Meditations for Personal Healing
"Compassion involves developing the courage to be open to our anger and rage, not some kind of ‘soothing it away’. Indeed, to say it again, soothing is useful to act like a safe haven but also in preparation to courageously engage with what we need to."

— Paul Gilbert

The origins and nature of compassion focused therapy
"If we have not experienced ourselves as unconditional love, we have more work to do, because that is who we really are."

— Father Thomas Keating

The Human Condition: Contemplation and Transformation
"Our sense of self-worth is much less easily shaken if it is derived from a deeply held sense of self-compassion and self-respect, rather than being contingent on fulfilling certain ideals."

— Erin Olivo

The Self-Acceptance Project
"We know how to be kind and compassionate to others when they’re feeling bad about themselves or are suffering in some way. We know what to say and do. We just have to remember to do it for ourselves."

— Kristen Neff

The Self-Acceptance Project
"The loving Adult is both father and mother to the Inner Child, regardless of whether we are a man or a woman."

— Margaret Paul

Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child
"All of us face the job of becoming a loving mother and father to our Inner Child."

— Margaret Paul

Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child
"… caring for the self means learning to regulate our emotions when we can through our rhetoric; and, when we cannot, learning to let our emotions wash over us without allowing them to dictate our words and control our behavior."

— Jeremy David Engels

The Art of Gratitude
"Perhaps the biggest tragedy in our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns. Entangled in the trance of unworthiness, we grow accustomed to caging ourselves in with self-judgment and anxiety, with restlessness and dissatisfaction."

— Tara Brach

Radical Acceptance
"Unfinished business is the biggest problem in life…. the more lessons we learn the more business we finish, and the more fully we live, really live life."

— Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

On Death & Dying
"May you become the gracious and passionate subject of your own life."

— John O’Donohue

To Bless the Space Between Us
"Make… soul care a way of life, and you may discover what the Greeks called eudaimonia—a good spirit, or, in the deepest sense, happiness."

— Thomas Moore

Care of the Soul
"When one is at home in oneself, one is integrated and enjoys a sense of balance and poise. In a sense that is exactly what spirituality is: the art of homecoming."

— John O’Donohue

To Bless the Space Between Us
"May there be kindness in your gaze when you look within."

— John O’Donohue

To Bless the Space Between Us
"… being fully present with ourselves overcomes the inner war, at least for a moment, between self and Other, between “me” and “my experience.” And from there, everything looks and feels different."

— John Welwood

Reflection and Presence: The Dialectic of Awakening
"It takes time and practice to develop the ongoing consciousness: “Am I being a Loving Adult to my Inner Child?”"

— Margaret Paul, PhD

Inner Bonding
"If we do not accept the responsibility of being both the father and mother to our Inner Child, then our Child will seek elsewhere for someone to do it."

— Margaret Paul, PhD

Inner Bonding
"By reparenting our Inner Child, we can release and heal the pain from the past."

— Margaret Paul, PhD

Inner Bonding
"When your relationship exhibits consistently high levels of secure functioning, you and your partner automatically increase the resources you’re able to use for personal development, mutual physical and mental health… You become more resilient as individuals and as a couple, able to manage the slings and arrows of life and its unknowns."

— Stan Tatkin

We Do
"It is only when we are willing to do our own inner work and take full responsibility for our own Inner Child that we can change the dysfunctional, codependent parenting that dominates our society. As we become healthy, so will our children and their children, leading to a healthy society."

— Margaret Paul

Inner Bonding
"Even when we try hard to be good parents, when we are not being loving to our own Inner Child, we are teaching our children to be unloving to themselves."

— Margaret Paul

Inner Bonding
"For a strong and lasting partnership, both of us must be connected to our own inner feelings, as well willing to be open to learning about the other’s."

— Margaret Paul

Inner Bonding
"The most important thing we can learn about loving each other is the paradox that we must learn to love ourselves first."

— Margaret Paul

Inner Bonding
"Those of us who have suffered from extreme physical, sexual, and emotional abuse have a big challenge trying to create a loving Inner Adult."

— Margaret Paul

Inner Bonding
"When our Inner Child feels consistently unloved by our Inner Adult, the Child’s false beliefs, adopted in childhood when parents were unloving, are reinforced—beliefs that we are bad, wrong, unlovable, unimportant, inadequate, defective in some way."

— Margaret Paul

Inner Bonding
"When our Inner Child is feeling consistently loved by our Inner Adult, he or she is a wondrous being—trusting, creative, imaginative, curious, passionate, playful, energetic, enthusiastic, spontaneous, soft, sensitive, sensual, with an incredible sense of wonder and aliveness. Delighted just to be alive, he or she is open and receptive to new ideas and experiences."

— Margaret Paul

Inner Bonding
"When you are being loving to yourself, your shame lessens and your self-esteem rises."

— Margaret Paul

Inner Bonding
"Inner Bonding is a process of connecting our Adult thoughts with our instinctual gut feelings, the feelings of our “Inner Child,” so that we can live free of conflict within ourselves."

— Margaret Paul

Inner Bonding
"Self-care is not a selfish act; it is an act of generosity for self and others."

— Joanne Cacciatore

Bearing the Unbearable
"Solace and care come from many sources. Others who listen deeply, attentively, and nonjudgmentally can be found in the least expected places. Take note, pay attention, and seek help from those willing to be present with you. Time with these kinds of people can carry you through perilous terrain."

— Joanne Cacciatore

Bearing the Unbearable
"The practice of conscious “abdominal” breathing… is the bridge between the conscious and unconscious functions of our nervous system."

— Alexis Brink

The Art of Jin Shin
"You are human. You are imperfect. You don’t begin with perfectly pure motives. If you’re like most of us, your motives are probably almost embarrassing next to the excellence you want to reach. You look in the mirror and you know this to be true. And guess what? It’s not a secret. Get started anyway. Begin where you are. It’s the only place where you can begin."

— Eric Greitens

Resilience
"Depression and anxiety are downward spirals: patterns of negative, unhealthy activity and reactivity that the brain ends up stuck in… Recent research has uncovered the power of the upward spiral: the fact that small positive life changes lead to positive brain changes in its electrical activity, its chemical composition, and even its ability to grow new neurons… Upward spirals can reverse the downward patterns of depression and anxiety…"

— Alex Korb

The Upward Spiral
"… by making small changes in your thoughts, actions, interactions, and environment, it’s possible to change the activity and chemistry of the key brain circuits underlying depression and anxiety."

— Alex Korb

The Upward Spiral
"Ultimately, self-acceptance relates to the opening of the heart. It has to do with the long, hard journey of loving ourselves."

— Mark Nepo

The Self-Acceptance Project
"The person to whom we have the highest moral obligation is the one over whom we have the highest influence, and that is our future self. So, if you want to give yourself a gift tomorrow or next year, or perhaps in the next lifetime, treat yourself well."

— Rick Hanson

The Self-Acceptance Project

Explore Quotes by Topic

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Quotes

All Quotes

If we do not accept the responsibility of being both the father and mother to our Inner Child, then our Child will seek elsewhere for someone to do it.

— Margaret Paul, PhD

More Quotes

"Repentance is the nourisher of piety, the procurer of mercy."

— Thomas Watson

"The two great graces essential to a saint in this life, are faith and repentance. These are the two wings by which he flies to heaven."

— Thomas Watson

"Committed action refers to purposeful behavior change in the service of chosen values, with a willingness to experience the thoughts, feelings, and reactions that show up in the process of moving forward."

— Jill A. Stoddard and Niloofar Afari

"Radical openness assumes that we don’t see things as they are but rather as we are."

— Thomas R. Lynch

"Self-care is central to life itself."

— Paul Gilbert

"When people start to love themselves more each day, it is amazing how their lives get better."

— Louise Hay

"After years of individual counseling with clients, and conducting hundreds of workshops and intensive training programs… I find that there is only one thing that seems to heal every problem, and that is to love yourself."

— Louise Hay

"Compassion involves developing the courage to be open to our anger and rage, not some kind of ‘soothing it away’. Indeed, to say it again, soothing is useful to act like a safe haven but also in preparation to courageously engage with what we need to."

— Paul Gilbert

"If we have not experienced ourselves as unconditional love, we have more work to do, because that is who we really are."

— Father Thomas Keating

"Our sense of self-worth is much less easily shaken if it is derived from a deeply held sense of self-compassion and self-respect, rather than being contingent on fulfilling certain ideals."

— Erin Olivo

"We know how to be kind and compassionate to others when they’re feeling bad about themselves or are suffering in some way. We know what to say and do. We just have to remember to do it for ourselves."

— Kristen Neff

"The loving Adult is both father and mother to the Inner Child, regardless of whether we are a man or a woman."

— Margaret Paul

"All of us face the job of becoming a loving mother and father to our Inner Child."

— Margaret Paul

"… caring for the self means learning to regulate our emotions when we can through our rhetoric; and, when we cannot, learning to let our emotions wash over us without allowing them to dictate our words and control our behavior."

— Jeremy David Engels

"Perhaps the biggest tragedy in our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns. Entangled in the trance of unworthiness, we grow accustomed to caging ourselves in with self-judgment and anxiety, with restlessness and dissatisfaction."

— Tara Brach

"Unfinished business is the biggest problem in life…. the more lessons we learn the more business we finish, and the more fully we live, really live life."

— Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

"May you become the gracious and passionate subject of your own life."

— John O’Donohue

"Make… soul care a way of life, and you may discover what the Greeks called eudaimonia—a good spirit, or, in the deepest sense, happiness."

— Thomas Moore

"When one is at home in oneself, one is integrated and enjoys a sense of balance and poise. In a sense that is exactly what spirituality is: the art of homecoming."

— John O’Donohue

"May there be kindness in your gaze when you look within."

— John O’Donohue

"… being fully present with ourselves overcomes the inner war, at least for a moment, between self and Other, between “me” and “my experience.” And from there, everything looks and feels different."

— John Welwood

"It takes time and practice to develop the ongoing consciousness: “Am I being a Loving Adult to my Inner Child?”"

— Margaret Paul, PhD

"If we do not accept the responsibility of being both the father and mother to our Inner Child, then our Child will seek elsewhere for someone to do it."

— Margaret Paul, PhD

"By reparenting our Inner Child, we can release and heal the pain from the past."

— Margaret Paul, PhD

— Stan Tatkin

"It is only when we are willing to do our own inner work and take full responsibility for our own Inner Child that we can change the dysfunctional, codependent parenting that dominates our society. As we become healthy, so will our children and their children, leading to a healthy society."

— Margaret Paul

"Even when we try hard to be good parents, when we are not being loving to our own Inner Child, we are teaching our children to be unloving to themselves."

— Margaret Paul

"For a strong and lasting partnership, both of us must be connected to our own inner feelings, as well willing to be open to learning about the other’s."

— Margaret Paul

"The most important thing we can learn about loving each other is the paradox that we must learn to love ourselves first."

— Margaret Paul

"Those of us who have suffered from extreme physical, sexual, and emotional abuse have a big challenge trying to create a loving Inner Adult."

— Margaret Paul

"When our Inner Child feels consistently unloved by our Inner Adult, the Child’s false beliefs, adopted in childhood when parents were unloving, are reinforced—beliefs that we are bad, wrong, unlovable, unimportant, inadequate, defective in some way."

— Margaret Paul

— Margaret Paul

"When you are being loving to yourself, your shame lessens and your self-esteem rises."

— Margaret Paul

"Inner Bonding is a process of connecting our Adult thoughts with our instinctual gut feelings, the feelings of our “Inner Child,” so that we can live free of conflict within ourselves."

— Margaret Paul

"Self-care is not a selfish act; it is an act of generosity for self and others."

— Joanne Cacciatore

"Solace and care come from many sources. Others who listen deeply, attentively, and nonjudgmentally can be found in the least expected places. Take note, pay attention, and seek help from those willing to be present with you. Time with these kinds of people can carry you through perilous terrain."

— Joanne Cacciatore

"The practice of conscious “abdominal” breathing… is the bridge between the conscious and unconscious functions of our nervous system."

— Alexis Brink

— Eric Greitens

— Alex Korb

"… by making small changes in your thoughts, actions, interactions, and environment, it’s possible to change the activity and chemistry of the key brain circuits underlying depression and anxiety."